knitting and the life I almost have around it

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

anything else?

You know that thing, when you were a teenager, where you were so caught up in your own dramas that you were utterly convinced the universe was screwing with you? Well, I guess I didnt get as old as I thought.

Reasons i think the universe is screwing with me:

Monkey just lost his job after they decided to close 61 of the 85 starbucks stores in Australia. As a sub-point, of course he is now out on the town with all the other bereft employees and I am left at home to worry.

On Saturday, silkydoll and I were on our way to Kingston and our journey took a detour due to a burst open tin of square crackers sitting in the middle of the intersection. (It's not the detour that freaked me out, it's the tin of crackers. I didnt know they even sold crackers in tins anymore)

A student told me I was as 'scary as a bucketful of kittens'. I know I am the approachable one but I did think I was scary when I had to be... sigh

I have had seven new students added to my assorted classes in the last week, which means that there are no longer enough copies of the books we are studying for three of my classes. Somehow this is my fault for not being better organised (organised enough to see into the future?) and does not warrant 'outrageous spending' on a few copies of Macbeth, Much Ado and Goodnight Mr Tom.

We have a mouse. I am not scared of mice, and this one is very cute but it does not bode well. I also cannot kill anything since a childhood experience and the thought of putting out any kind of trap makes me tear up. This means I rely entirely on Monkey to do the deed and for whatever reason this little fellow has been our companion for some 4 months i think. Now that this 'one' mouse appears to be a significantly different size every time I see it, I have to accept that there is probably a mummy mouse and some baby mice... which makes the house seem much dirtier than I thought, and has the added bonus of making me feel positively wretched at the thought of having them killed. A family! With babies!

There are ants building a nest under my clock-radio. You don't believe me, do you?There (ooh, ignore the dust). There are usually big white eggs as well, but I looked at them this morning and they've moved them. No, I don't know where to, but I suspect I should be careful to shake out any knickers vigorously before putting them on.

Oh and I have serious issues with my black dog at the moment (this one, not this one). Is partially a hormonal thing but knowing that there's a biological reason for the sense of impending doom and hopelessness doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with. Anyway, having dealt with serious bouts that go on for months and months I'm always terrified that it wont end when my hormones settle. I think I'm also just in the middle of a self-pity party: sick of being sick, sick of headaches, sick of being tired, sick of dealing with crap at work, sick of spending my time off cleaning and never getting ahead of myself. Really sick of being barely functional and collapsing in a big weepy heap every three weeks. Really truly sick of being a massive burden (and often a complete dickhead) to Monkey and to my friends. (Also getting really sick of these pity-party decorations... getting pretty dusty from being up too long!!)

And now I realise I'm still writing because I don't feel like knitting but am completely lost without it and dont want to return to the couch and have to deal with the unease. blech. I'll try reading.

Please excuse the revolting display of self-pity.
Ms Spider xo

PS. If you see Monkey, send him home with a boxed ear.



  • At July 29, 2008 9:54 pm, Blogger m1k1 said…

    I think I have ants like that nesting inside my hot water system, but I can't move it to find out. That's either a blessing or it isn't. Can't decide which.
    I did however sometime ago move a noticeboard that was hanging in the family room, to have a family (v.large) of spiderlings scamper out. I'm not big on the thorough cleaning regime, obviously.
    Hope you get a Monkey back home really soon to make you feel better.

  • At July 29, 2008 11:08 pm, Blogger Shadowlee said…

    As a regular (for the last three years or so) at the Civic Starbucks, I was really sad to hear that it was closing. All the staff there are awesome and it really sucks that they are out of a job.

  • At July 30, 2008 1:33 am, Blogger Agnes said…

    I so feel your hitting-the-roof stress level! Sorry that I couldn't do anything else except for having you and Monkey in my thoughts ... wishing everything take a better turn soon. {{{HUGS}}}

  • At July 30, 2008 9:54 am, Blogger Dr Bones said…

    After being the victim of a similar state of self-pity recently due to a rash of self injury (sprained wrist, dislocated elbow and a broken toe all in 5 months), I found that chocolate (a LOT of the expensive sort), a HOT cup of tea and the odd spoon of a delicious ice cream at least somewhat allowed me to get through the day until I worked through the grieving for the various losses/frights that have occurred over the same period of time. While going through it, it is the centre of your world, but as events slowly resolve, it does get better....slowly. Good luck with your "pile" of issues, my sympathies for a well deserved dose of self-pity.

  • At July 30, 2008 10:26 am, Blogger twitchy fingers said…

    Man, sounds like you're pursued by a black dog of Clifford (the big red dog) proportions! My advice is to print out that post, scribble all over it in big, thick, black marker, and then burn it. Tell the universe to get fucked, that the cycle stops now.

  • At July 30, 2008 12:21 pm, Blogger TinkingBell said…

    Aaargh - these things never happen one at a time (Hugs hugs and more hugs!!!)

    Sucks about Mr Monkey - but I am sure he'll find a fabbo job soon (I liked starbucks - pshaw to them closing stores!)
    I don't become depressed with my hormones - I turn into an axe murderer (and I have mice - mice I can stand - it's when I see rats.... - I use poison and they go away to die - but sometimes they do it under the floorboards - yeeuch!!) More hugs - and perhaps = Antrid?

  • At July 31, 2008 5:14 pm, Blogger kms said…

    as soon as i heard i thought about monkey and how he introduced me to signature hot chocolates and told me about his girlfriend who knits when i sat down in SBs at manuka and pulled out the sticks, such a nice boy, such a lovely hot chocolate. i hope everything looks up for you both soon.


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