knitting and the life I almost have around it

Sunday, March 05, 2006

List 1

hello lads and ladies!

snb on thursday was brilliant! a small group for a change but this isnt a bad thing, i think i actually got to talk to everyone for once :) and to make the evening even better othlon, irene and i went out for dinner first so we were full of knitterly love! we were sitting about cursing men and suddenly we are doing the 'when shall we three meet again' bit from macbeth.. ah so appropriate. three witches is right :p

sadly i am stupid and have run out of all AA batteries that are charged and so have no new pics for you! so instead, i am writing a list. if you are going to be offended by any of this please dont read it! im not your mummy, you can make an intelligent decision whether or not to be offended and if you choose to read it i dont need to hear if you think im a brat. thanks.

Things My Mother Does That Shit Me
  1. asks questions and then doesnt listen to the reply.. and then asks you the same question 5 minutes later. (such as 'what are you doing tonight' 5 or so times)
  2. finishes your sentences for you in a way that proves she wasnt listening. ( me - "so in richard III theres this really interesting bit that..." she - "has a femal aardvark in it?" or more frequently "oh is this pride and prejudice?").
  3. puts beans in everything. green beans. i like them ok, i do not turn my nose up at vegetables but... fried rice, risotto, pastas, salads, stir fries... and SO MANY of them. seriously, if i see one more green bean im going to have to be restrained.
  4. thinks i should still be wearing leggings in public. this is a war that has raged since i discovered mirrors at age 11 and im sorry but there are very few women who can/should wear these abominations in public. oh, and FLORAL ones! hello...!!??
  5. has weird social behaviours. my friend pissed me off and i didnt want to meet her for lunch and mum says "oh just dont tell her and dont go." she is so scared of confrontation... and this makes me confront her ALL the time.
  6. chews really loudly. I'M SERIOUS! she cant listen AND chew.
  7. reads books like 'women who sort of stroll with the poodles' and the like and then tells me how to deal with people (if you read number 5 you will see why this annoys me so much)
  8. stretches in weird places in the house
  9. steals my thongs (for american readers, this is australian for flip-flops... its not THAT bad) and then leaves them in the garden.
  10. leaves the house at the time she has to arrive at her chosen location (mostly frustrating when she's taking me somewhere)
  11. carries a bag of shoes with her everyday to work. this woman has at least three bags each day and at least 5 pairs of shoes.
  12. says things like "you know what you could knit me? a mohair blanket!"
  13. listens to talk-back radio
  14. steals my seat at the kitchen table after covering every other seat with her numerous bags (see 11)
  15. is eyeing off my new cardigan...
  16. borrows my clothes and takes them in
  17. has a really annoying aversion to obesity. its sooo narrow inded, i cant watch tv with her anymore because she shudders and says 'ooooh yuckkkk!'. i mean, COME ON! as she is someone who is underweight and has to struggle to keep her weight above 40kg you'd expect some sympathy but no! this is pisses me off soooo much, you have no idea. makes me knit cranky. ugh. not every one is a skinny midget with visible ribs, mum!
  18. cant say no to people at work and then comes home all cranky and takes it out on me.
  19. lets my brother get away with murder. "i dont think its fair to ask him to do any chores as he's hardly ever home" but its ok for me to do twice as much as well as studying full time and working part time.... ?
  20. relates everything i do back to her. if i have a fight with BFG she's all "oh i used to have terrible times with dad because i just couldnt be open". HELLO??? of all my problems with BFG, not speaking my mind is definitely not near the top of the list :p
  21. she thought my garter belt was a bra. she gets offended that i have cute knickers, like im a pervert or something.
  22. she purses her lips up when i swear (as in 'oh crap').. but only tells my brother off if he uses the other 'c' word.

there are many more and this will probably get added to... are you feeling a little tension? yeah well. i got up at 6.45am this morning (on my only day off of the week) to help her clean up australia in our local bushland park... and she's so nervous about other people, evern though she organised the thing she made very little effort to get people.. so it was like four of us. eck.

also, why do you think people would find it fun to a) get drunk in a park, b) get laid in a park and c) set fire to car parts in a park?

hopefully have some pics up tomorrow, ignore the winge :p

Ms Spider


  • At March 05, 2006 1:04 pm, Blogger Jejune said…

    Poor Spidey - ((hugs)) - it would be funny if you didn't have to actually LIVE with it :/ I'm a bit concerned that this is List 1 - you mean there's more?!

    My mum drove (hell, still DOES drive) me nuts too - she would start cleaning up as we were about to walk out the door for somewhere, and yes, we'd be leaving at the time we'd supposed to be arriving. Or an hour later. And my mum chews really loudly too! We should get them to meet ;)

    Point #17 is majorly pissy offy, isn't it - as if women who aren't a size 4 are weak willed, digusting, lazy creatures?

    If it makes it any better (and it probably doesn't) my step-mother (aka The Alien) is also a tiny stick-insect creature just sneers and looks disgusted at anyone over size 12 (ie me, daughter, and most of my friends). Which really PISSES ME OFF.

    I can't believe she nicks your clothes and adapts them (for herself, I presume?) - I mean - WTF?!

    Well, just think how lovely it will be when you can LEAVE HOME :) And you're welcome to hang out at our place any time!

  • At March 05, 2006 2:21 pm, Anonymous Dr. Gonzo said…

    mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! that was the funniest thing i have read in ages. i know your probably looking for sympathy (yes pen, it would suck to live with your mum and i feel sorry for you...), but the phrasing is just so classically comic "...reads books like 'women who sort of stroll with the poodles'." and 22 reasons, with mention that this is the cut down/most important list. god, i could go on with the other reasons that was so funny, but im sure you get it (and dont really find it entertaining). just try to see the comedy, like the girl from ( oh yeah, before i forget, the answers to your last part. firstly you live in queenbyhole, and there are alot of alco's there. to an alco being drunk is more fun than being sober at any time (the park is no exception)(pt1). secondly, exhibitionism is fun, if you dont believe me try it (pt2). thirdly, once youve got drunk and laid you have to celebrate (pt3).

    p.s. floral leggings ARE trendy, i wear them and i would appreciate it if you didnt make fun of them again.

  • At March 05, 2006 3:17 pm, Blogger mumblingmonkey said…

    (a) some people think it is fun to get drunk everywhere. More fun if you might get caught, or if you don't have to clean up later. Me, I can see the appeal of a park. You're outside, it's nice and fresh and maybe easier to get to for most people than your house, a nice neutral meeting place. But it's illegal to consume alcohol in one here. There too I'm guessing?
    (b) see (a), substitute "laid" for "drunk" and "have sex" for "consume alcohol"
    (c) Some people are just pyros, especially drunk immature people. It's a head scratcher.

    And hey, we all need to let off steam once in a while. I do relate to your frustrations! :)

  • At March 05, 2006 7:00 pm, Blogger Taphophile said…

    Families suck quite a lot of the time.

  • At March 06, 2006 10:58 am, Blogger Stephanie said…

    Okay, way back in the late 70's early 80's I used to wear thongs all the time. I had this one pair that had colored layers and if you wore them down so that the colors disappeared that was cool. And I am talking shoes here. I don't know when thongs turned into flip flops. I still say thongs and let me tell you I get an ear full everytime! Oh well. My mom bugs me too. It's human nature. I, however, am quite certain I NEVER EVER annoy my boys. Don't ask 2 of them right now as they are grounded for the rest of the day.

  • At March 09, 2006 7:12 am, Blogger yuvee said…

    Oh well, at the end of the day, she's still your mother. I get annoyed with my mom most of the time too, that's one of the reason why I'm happy to be away from home, so that we could have peaceful relationship.

  • At March 21, 2006 10:47 pm, Anonymous vickyth said…

    My mum does a good half dozen of those, too. And other things that drive me batty. The only thing that worked for me was not to live with her. In fact, I moved entirely out of the province for a couple of years. We get along much better now.


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