all the meme
I hadnt really noticed until the insomnia kicked in and now... it's Saturday and i had the house to myself for most of the day and i have no good reason to be anxious but i am. I sorted the stash. I groomed the bunnies. i finished the socks for Monkey's Mum. I posted excess stash on ravelry. I skeined yarn for dyeing some self-striping 8ply.
I think I might be going crazy (crazier?).
Maybe it's still the effects of healing from the op last week and I'm just expecting too much from myself. But I cant help falling into a head-space which says: I'm always sick with something, I can't take leave for everything and I cant work and be useful at home in the same day when I'm crook.. which feels like always. I spend my weekends trying to catch up on housework and marking and then suddenly it's sunday night and i still feel like i need a weekend. Add to that the guilt of being a total burden to Monkey (i seriously cant remember the last time i cooked dinner and he works as many hours as i do) and constantly piking on plans because I'm either feeling sick or feeling so tired I know i'd be a total buzz-kill... and I'm feeling pretty useless right now.
I have some issues at work at the moment too. The Knitting group i started is going great guns and the kids are mad keen on it. It's one lunchtime a week and they're nagging me to do it more often. We've seen some amazing results already; one girl with huge behavioural problems is sitting quietly and focusing on a crochet square for an entire lunch... this is a kid who has been known to climb out windows on second floor during classes. Another girl who has been really struggling to connect at school... her eyes just lit up! She's a natural, she had a scarf by the next meeting. It's just great, the kids get so much out of it it feels really important.
but apparently it's not important enough for the school to deem it worthy to cover the odd playground duty for me so i can run it regularly. not only wont they cover it, they make me chase people to swap duties with me.
I know it seems like a tiny thing but it's just so... typical. All we ever hear is "we really appreciate you donating your time/we need volunteers/we need your enthusiasm/we need you to take initiative and use your specialist skills to help the school and the students/helps to make things run smoothly/supervise concert, social, P&C night etc etc" and then the next thing is "oh you have an extra in your only line off today/have you done enough hours/we wont cover a duty for something you're choosing to do".
ok, maybe my stress does have a root. No bloody wonder there's such a high drop out rate for new teachers.
Now, because it's too dark to take proper pics of recent FOs, I'm going to do the meme that has been doing the rounds.
1) What was I doing ten years ago?
I was halfway through term two of year 8. I was madly in love with a boy called Sam and my favourite class was Art. My favourite song was Foolish Games by Jewel (before she went skanky) and I never missed an episode of Dawson's Creek (thought Dawson was a tool but wanted to kiss Pacey).
2) What are five (non-work) things on my to-do list for today?
Dye self-striping yarn for a commission BSJ. List yarn on Ravelry. Finish socks for Monkey's Mum. bi-annual stash toss. blog.
3) Snacks I enjoy?
salt and vinegar chips are my oldest friend. I also love minties and redskins (but not while my mouth is still hurty). Tsatsiki and corn chips. Sashimi with soy and a really fresh wasabi.
4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire?
Hmm. Pay off house. extend house so Monkey has room as well as my stash and maybe space for kidliwinkles one day. Pay off car. Get hitched. Restock the school library with textbooks that arent growing fungi. Retire early and set up a yarn store/ book store / cafe with classes on spinning, knitting and specialist techniques and really good chairs. Fund research into alternate fuel sources. am i broke yet?
5) Places I have lived?
I lived in my parents' house in Qbn for 21 years, my bundah home for nearly 2. I realise I am very, very lucky to have moved only once.
6) Jobs I have had?
Sales assistant in Childrenswear department of Target. Sales assistant at Kookai. Volunteer at St Vinnies. Sales assistant at Hidden Treasures, little womens boutique in the Woden Hospital (HELL). Sales assistant at ReVamp in Qbn, selling antiques and collectables. Am now an English teacher at a Canberra High School.
7) Peeps I want to know more about?
Elizabeth Zimmerman, Jane Austen, Eleanor Farjeon, Ringo, Marilyn Monroe. If you want to be tagged and have get to do this then go forth, but I ain't tagging anyone.