knitting and the life I almost have around it

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Rhapsody in blue

ever feel (in a friendship)...

like you're making all the effort?

like they don't respect you and never will?

that your opinion is irrelevant to choices you make together?

like they kick you when you're down?

as though they assume superiority in all things? assume that you will be wrong?

as though listening to you talk about your interests is an ordeal for them?

do you ever think that maybe its not just that they hurt you accidentally, but if they really cared they'd think before they do or say something that is so obviously hurtfull? Jokes arent jokes if only one person laughs.

Kind of bad week all up (Gee, Spider, never would have guessed). This is not aimed at ToD, queen of wonderment, Gypsy etc. Or probably anyone who reads this blog. This is a vent in regards to a frustrating conversation with a close friend this week. I'm sorry. I just feel like I'm at the breaking point in this particular relationship. Where I've given as much as I can and nothing will ever change. I'm exhausted from Uni and life and need a friend and don't feel like I'm getting one from this quarter. And I honestly think I am a good friend to this person. Probably the best friend they've ever had. I think I deserve better than i have been getting lately.

NB- All sorted, worry not, a special friendship is saved. hopefully forever :) And one essay is finito and the other cant be a handed in til monday but will be finished by the time Strictly Dancing comes on on Friday night. I have spoken and so it shall be...

I'm sure I will feel much better when my essays are signed, sealed and delivered. And if my darn yarn ever arrives it will be muchly appreciated. They're both looking healthy (essays that is, not yarn), so I'm not too worried. It's a lot to have on your plate though. Doesn't help stress levels.

No more entries til essays are over. And I'm fine really. This is not a plea for attention, promise. Just tired. Perhaps keeping a private diary was more tactful, but this is just as good therapy-wise. maybe I'm waiting for it to be brought to a head. Who knows the inner workings of a knit-mind? scary!

Night all.


  • At October 27, 2005 1:04 am, Blogger periodic haziness said…

    One way relationships are very draining. U never have to apologise for venting. It's a healthy way to get thru things. It's when we bottle things up inside that makes us worse off in the long run. *hugs* good luck on ur essays. if whatever i've written is weird it's cause my mind doesn't function atm. bon nuit.

  • At October 27, 2005 3:01 am, Blogger yuvee said…

    Hopes you feel better soon. Friendship can be hard when you feel like you give more than what you receive.
    Good luck with your essays ;) hope the yarn will come soon, it'll cheer you up for sure!

  • At October 27, 2005 9:46 am, Blogger Stephanie said…

    I have a friend of 25 years that I am going through this with. So I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm trying to figure out if I just suck it up and keep taking it to preserve the "friendship" or finally just wash my hands of it. So I'll keep you in my thoughts and know you aren't alone!

  • At October 27, 2005 10:10 am, Blogger mumblingmonkey said…

    Aww poor spider. That's no fun. I'm with you on the school-busy-ness. We should throw a virtual celebration when the crises (your essays, my midterms) are over. A yarn related celebration. I don't know.

    If this helps: In my experience I have to set very specific and rigid boundaries with "toxic" friends. I have a friend who I will see for coffee but I won't go to her house or ride in her car, and even though it is difficult to know her, she is still a friend of sorts. She was the only one who remembered to send me a Valentine in February, a week after I'd broken up with my boyfriend.

    So whatever you decide, we are rooting for you and we understand! I hope your friend learns how to be one, soon.


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